16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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