You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
