so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
