I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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