Fuck appropriateness.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
