I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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