your parents love me but you hate me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
