Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
