Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
