Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
