ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
