and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You dont lie about slip and slides
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
