best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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