If i could tip my vagina, i would.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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