On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
