why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your penis caused this!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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