When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
