I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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