Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
