Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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