I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she peed on how many people?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
