I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
