Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
