Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
