I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
