hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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