You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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