So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
