i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
