You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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