Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
