The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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