I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
