i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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