She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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