Cold hands, warm shart.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
