i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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