she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
