I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
