: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
