dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
