what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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