I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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