I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
