do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
