Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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