Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
