She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
