i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
