i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
