He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
