i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
