i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize