69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
two words: eviction party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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