You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
