I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
