Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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