listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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