from now on my penis is your penis
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
