We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
