I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize