i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
