I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
