i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
