So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
