textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
