I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize